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Ms. Wizard is a 23 time Gredunza Champion, 26 time Tag Team Champ, 1 time (confirmed) Last WoMan Standing, 3 time FFLM Trivia Champ, 1 time Global Legendary Television Champ, 23 time Hardcore Gredunza champ and 2<span style="font-size:14px;"> time </span><span style="font-size:14px;">Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness champ</span><span style="font-size:14px;">. However, she has never won the coveted Arquette title, mostly due to the fact that she hasn't picked it up out of the trash can and started defending it for no reason in particular.</span>
 
Ms. Wizard is a 23 time Gredunza Champion, 26 time Tag Team Champ, 1 time (confirmed) Last WoMan Standing, 3 time FFLM Trivia Champ, 1 time Global Legendary Television Champ, 23 time Hardcore Gredunza champ and 2<span style="font-size:14px;"> time </span><span style="font-size:14px;">Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness champ</span><span style="font-size:14px;">. However, she has never won the coveted Arquette title, mostly due to the fact that she hasn't picked it up out of the trash can and started defending it for no reason in particular.</span>
   
==The Legend of ShiningWizard==
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==The Legend of Shining Wizard==
   
   
   
' "ShiningWizard is a son of a bitch!"
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' "Shining Wizard is a son of a bitch!"
   
"ShiningWizard is the mother of every kid in this town!"
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"Shining Wizard is the mother of every kid in this town!"
   
"ShiningWizard once showed me a video of her making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"
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"Shining Wizard once showed me a video of her making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"
   
"One time I was with ShiningWizard in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. ShiningWizard goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm ShiningWizard! SAY IT!' Then she manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ShiningWizard' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"
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"One time I was with Shining Wizard in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Shining Wizard goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Shining Wizard! SAY IT!' Then she manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ShiningWizard' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"
   
 
"She'd eat a homeless person if you dared her!"
 
"She'd eat a homeless person if you dared her!"
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"She makes brooms somewhere in Georgia."
 
"She makes brooms somewhere in Georgia."
   
"She did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran ShiningWizard!"
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"She did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Shining Wizard!"
   
 
"I once saw her eat a whole live chicken."
 
"I once saw her eat a whole live chicken."
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"She sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, she was pretty normal when it came to that."
 
"She sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, she was pretty normal when it came to that."
   
"ShiningWizard was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"
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"Shining Wizard was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"
   
"Did I ever tell you about the time ShiningWizard took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally ShiningWizard takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. ShiningWizard yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"
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"Did I ever tell you about the time Shining Wizard took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Shining Wizard takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Shining Wizard yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"
   
"ShiningWizard had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said her heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese."
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"Shining Wizard had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said her heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese."
   
 
"She once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
 
"She once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
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"She grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault."
 
"She grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault."
   
"ShiningWizard drank a full glass of liquid LSD with her eggs. Then she slept for 8 months straight. When she woke he rubbed her eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"
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"Shining Wizard drank a full glass of liquid LSD with her eggs. Then she slept for 8 months straight. When she woke he rubbed her eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"
   
"They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to ShiningWizard talk in her sleep."
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"They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Shining Wizard talk in her sleep."
   
 
"She date raped David Bowie."
 
"She date raped David Bowie."
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"The Pope told her it was ok to have a mistress."
 
"The Pope told her it was ok to have a mistress."
   
"It was the sight of ShiningWizard's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane."
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"It was the sight of Shining Wizard's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane."
   
 
"She once had sex with a cigarette machine."
 
"She once had sex with a cigarette machine."
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"She jogged with a fridge on her back!"
 
"She jogged with a fridge on her back!"
   
"ShiningWizard was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved her for it!"
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"Shining Wizard was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved her for it!"
   
 
"She's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds her baby shrimp scampi."
 
"She's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds her baby shrimp scampi."
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"She went public with her own buttocks and made $7 million."
 
"She went public with her own buttocks and made $7 million."
   
"Did I ever tell you about the time ShiningWizard went hunting? ShiningWizard decides she's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. She stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."
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"Did I ever tell you about the time Shining Wizard went hunting? Shining Wizard decides she's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. She stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."
   
"We once had a bachelorette party for ShiningWizard. She ate the entire cake before we could tell her there was a stripper in it."
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"We once had a bachelorette party for Shining Wizard. She ate the entire cake before we could tell her there was a stripper in it."
   
"ShiningWizard once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart."
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"Shining Wizard once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart."
   
"ShiningWizard once got her wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."
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"Shining Wizard once got her wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."
   
"ShiningWizard's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."
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"Shining Wizard's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."
   
"ShiningWizard ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."
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"Shining Wizard ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."
   
"Did I ever tell you about the time ShiningWizard was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, ShiningWizard chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews."
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"Did I ever tell you about the time Shining Wizard was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, Shining Wizard chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews."
   
 
"She breastfeeds John Madden."
 
"She breastfeeds John Madden."
   
"ShiningWizard named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that."
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"Shining Wizard named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that."
   
"If you drop a phonograph needle on ShiningWizard's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"
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"If you drop a phonograph needle on Shining Wizard's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"
   
"ShiningWizard directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels."
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"Shining Wizard directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels."
   
"All the 'Yes' album covers are ShiningWizard family photos."
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"All the 'Yes' album covers are Shining Wizard family photos."
"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. ShiningWizard said it would've happened sometime."
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"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died.Shining Wizard said it would've happened sometime."
   
"ShiningWizard still believes in Santa Claus, and she wants to put him in porno films."
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"Shining Wizard still believes in Santa Claus, and she wants to put him in porno films."
   
 
"She thinks the Iron Man is gay."
 
"She thinks the Iron Man is gay."
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"She framed Roger Rabbit."
 
"She framed Roger Rabbit."
   
"The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on ShiningWizard - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men."
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"The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Shining Wizard - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men."
   
 
"She gave a handjob to a manta ray."
 
"She gave a handjob to a manta ray."
   
''[[File:5E37B7EF-5CA2-45D1-B930-CAE0CC25E934-9566-00000A0658DB216D_zpsd2936237.jpg|thumb]]''
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''This article is a stub... like Gary Burghoff's left hand.[[File:5E37B7EF-5CA2-45D1-B930-CAE0CC25E934-9566-00000A0658DB216D_zpsd2936237.jpg|thumb]]''
 
[[Category:FWc Members]]
 
[[Category:FWc Members]]
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